Re: Movies you’ve watched recently

I've seen a lot of movies recently but I'm curious about other people's opinions on these two: Elysium and Pain and Gain. I thought Elysium was just a total mess. It's kind of confusing, the action was fcuking stupid, and a lot of elements are borrowed from the director's far superior (and of my all time favorite) fims: District 9. The elements that were copied made sense in D9 and made that movie great like the shaky camera and the different camera perspectives and the extreme gore and violence. In Elysium, it was either out of place or so shitty that it was downright uncomfortable. They even borrow the protagonist from D9 and give him one of the most laughably awful accents I've ever heard.

Also, they introduce a lot of different rules for the sci-fi universe they're in, but believe me when I say this, it is done so fcuking poooorly. At one point ***SPOILER ALERT*** the antagonist gets his face completely blown off in slow motion by a grenade (which made some people in the theater make noises of disgust or they laughed) and then two scenes later, they bring the antagonist back to life (I couldn't make this up if I tried) BECAUSE HIS BRAIN WAS STILL INTACT. WHAT?!!!!

So at this point, I had completely given up. I decided to just roll with whatever stupid pile of cock rules they had in this script written by a fcuking twelve year old. Turns out, I had only scratched the surface. As soon as Matt Damon lands on Elysium, he's taken captive and gagged before he's about to be killed. He escapes before that happens of course, and then he pulls out the gag from his mouth, which looked just like a pacifier for an infant or something. As he pulls it out, we see that there was a large black tendril for the end that went in his mouth that was approximately fifteen inches long. The person I saw this with said my facial expression was priceless. There was so much going through my head: anger, confusion, disgust, shame; I wanted to walk out so bad but I had to see how this shit show ended.

A couple minutes after the antagonist wakes up from having his head being reassembled, he kills off Jodie Foster, making her role even smaller, and even though it's a stab wound in her neck compared to y'know, a fcuking grenade, she can't be revived. This leads to Matt Damon and the antagonist having a showdown in a factory with a cherry blossom tree on a platform to the left. Why did they have a tree there? I dunno, to make it look cool?!! Since the antagonist sometimes uses a samurai katana, I thought him and Matt Damon would have a sword fight or something. Nope! If there's one thing I should've learned by now, it's that this movie loves misleading me! The sword is thrown off the platform in the first minute and the result is an uncomfortable and anticlimactic fight that ends with Matt Damon throwing himself at him to pull a wire on the back of his head. Because that's somehow a cooler death than having a grenade blow his head off. Come to think of it, they could've revived the antagonist again! His brain was still intact!

The movie ends with a confusing data surge from Matt that kills him to allow all the poor people on to the planet, thus tying together the story from the child character that you KNOW is plot important, about a hippo that uses a meerkat to get apples in a tree he can't reach or some shit I don't know. And again, they totally could've revived Matt! His brain was intact and he wasn't even harmed!!!

Ugh, fcuk that movie. I wanted to like it, after all District 9 is a remarkable movie, but I left that theater feeling like I had been raped. Did anybody see it and look past it's flaws? It looks like a majority of the critics did on Rotten Tomatoes. That just baffles me.

And then there's Pain&Gain. I actually don't have too much to say about this movie; I thought it was pretty decent. It's got it's problems sure, but I was entertained and I had a good time with it. I suppose someone could hate it if they hate Marky Mark, The Rock, and/or Michael Bay, but on it's on own merit, I enjoyed it. I dunno, what did other people think?