Re: Rants

Time for some pointless rants of my own. The following list is a compilation of the most insignificant annoyances… this is not going to be enlightening or provide any answers to life's many questions. This is also not meant to be taken seriously. Read only if you're very bored. No refunds on time will be issued.

– Slow walking people. I secretly want to punch them in the back of the head. I suppose I just gave up my secret. But honestly, people who are capable of walking quicker than snail pace but choose to mosy about in packs while going up/down stairs or choose to hog the entire sidewalk thus blocking all other pedestrian traffic should start wearing helmets. I say this for their own protection.

– Slow drivers who drive slow for no apparent reason. No thank you, sir, I should not be travelling 20 km in a 60 km zone. There is no one in front of you as far as the eye can see. Please press the pedal down a bit harder or get off the road. I would really like to reach my destination sometime this year, if at all possible.

– People who talk on their cell phones while driving. “Like OMG I totally don't even know how I got into an accident! I was just like, on my phone and like.. that pole ran right into me! Teehee.” Seriously. Your 'very important' call about your ex boyfriend's new girlfriend's oven mitts could have waited.

–  When elderly people get on a bus and no one offers up their seat. You're young and capable. You're sitting at the front. You see a woman who just fell trying to get on bus and yet you still sit there expecting her to hold on to the rails while she's being tossed around like a rag doll. News flash… you'll be old one day too. I hope the younger generation shows you more courtesy when that time comes, even though you don't deserve it. Get off your ass and move to the back.

– The naming conventions of meat. Yes, that's right. How come chicken is the only thing centered out? Chicken burger, chicken nuggets… etc. Yet you can order a hamburger. It's not even HAM! Why not beefburger. Or cowburger? At least then you'd be calling it what it is! I don't know, I'm a vegetarian.. maybe that's why I don't get it.

– McDonald's. Enough said.

– In Canada there is a food brand called “No Name”. Haha. Very clever. You have a name you idiots. You can't be a nameless brand if your name IS, in fact, “No Name.” Also I do not accept the argument that the company “is just being ironic.” No. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Fail.

– Promiscuity coupled with irresponsibility. Re-evaluate your morals. If you have none, get some.

– People who chew with their mouths open. You're exempt if you have a broken jaw or some other condition prohibiting you from fully closing your mouth. Otherwise, recognize the contents of your mouth are not a masterpiece from Picasso. No one wants to see it.

– Telemarketers. Do not call me. If you do, I'll take 1 of 2 actions pending on my mood. Bad Mood: Hang up on you. Good Mood: severely waste your time seeing as you insist on wasting mine. Examples…

Telemarketer: “Hi Ma'am I'm from blah-blah how are you today?”

Me: “Yes I do like toast!”

T: “I would like to interest you in a product blah-blah”

Me: “Tell you what, I'll buy your product if you buy mine! In fact we have a wide assortment of…” etc

T: “Are you the current homeowner?”

Me: “Define homeowner? I mean… the house was boarded up before I broke into it.. so I guess by default it's my house now!”

I recognize it's you job… but recognize bothering people at home for a living means that your job sucks. Sorry. I don't dislike you, I dislike the establishment you work for.